Falling
by ayell
Summary: Sometimes you have to break promises. Even the ones you make to yourself. HarryDraco
1. Chapter 1

Falling

By ab102

**day i. crazy**

_I'm a little bit crazy._

He was crazy.

Crazy for feeling that way and crazy for feeling that way toward _him_, of all people. He was crazy for even _thinking _about him.

He was crazy for knowing that he was right-handed but he used his left hand to open doors…

_Would he open the door to his heart for me? Would he let me in? I want to go in and never get out. I want to know how he ticks; what his favorite subject is, what he likes to do in his spare time, how his childhood was like. Just everything about him._

_I want to know._

He was crazy for seeing each flicker of emotion in those stormy gray eyes. Emotions which were so rare and so short-lived that he thought maybe he was the only one who could see them…

_Would he show me his emotions? Just me? I want to see them. I want to see them without that stupid façade I've known and loathed for so long. I want to see his emotions; raw, naked. Exclusive._

_I want to see._

He was crazy for staring at him, and thinking that no one else would notice… He was crazy for not _caring_ if anyone else noticed…

_Would I be able to see each curve, each point, each part, each plane of his body? Would he allow me? I want to memorize him. I want to memorize and mark each part of his body and make him mine. I want to see him and admire him. I want…_

_I want him._

…He was crazy for noting all of these in a day.

He _was_ crazy, and he knew that.

But he wasn't in love.

He promised. He promised himself that he wouldn't let this get out of hand, not that it wasn't already. But he'd promised himself that he wouldn't let his … desires interfere with anything else. He wouldn't do anything about his desires. He'd wait for them to go away, no matter how long it takes.

It was bad enough that he had a … a … a hormonal interest? Yes, that sounded good. A hormonal interest.

It was bad enough that he had a hormonal interest in his arch-nemesis; he didn't have to add the icing to the blond's cake by confessing his feelings and making a fool of himself.

So he promised not to fall. Of course he wouldn't. He didn't know why he ever thought there was a possibility in the first place. Of course he wouldn't fall. No. Not him. He promised to himself that he wouldn't. Not only that; he wouldn't fall because he didn't have any feelings for the blond.

No. No, he didn't.

Of course not.

Preposterous.

Crazy.

A/N: Whoot. Another fic! This one's actually already finished. I just want to release it one at a time. 

Review!


	2. Fool

Falling

By ab102

**Pairing: **Harry/Draco  
**A/N: **Okay, hopefully this lives up to your expectations. :) The repetetiveness is part of the style (if you could call it that).  
**To Sapphire Dragons:** Thank you for pointing that out. Typo fixed. :)

**day ii. fool**

_I'm a little bit of a fool._

The next day, he was a fool.

He was a fool for being in denial about the whole thing when he didn't even know exactly what the whole thing was.

He was a fool for denying his feelings, and he was a fool for even thinking that he didn't wear his heart on his sleeve when his desires were actually quite obvious. In fact, anyone who knew either him or Malfoy would've probably known by now. Everyone except maybe the blond himself.

He was a fool for thinking he'd actually get through Potions without spilling anything (because he was staring at a certain Slytherin), and not lose any points for it.

Probably the only consolation was that he saw Malfoy meet with Blaise Zabini after classes and kiss him on the cheek when he thought no one was looking (_The bastard, _he'd thought possessively, although he'd deny thinking it later), which, although cancelled Malfoy out for being available, at least made Harry sure that Malfoy liked boys.

He was a fool for lying to his best friends when they confronted him about his hormonal interest, and he was a fool for thinking that he'd gotten them convinced with a stupid muttered excuse as lame as 'the dog ate it', when the only one he'd fooled was himself.

He was a fool for staring at him again at dinner, noting that he looked a bit bored. Harry's eyes widened when something like light flashed through the blond's eyes; it absolutely electrified Harry.

Then Malfoy started talking to his fellow Slytherins, his eyes so expressive, yet so concealed that it made Harry want to tear it apart and see what was inside. He wished he could hear his voice.

Hear it in all its glory without that hate and abhorrence he always heard when it was directed at him. He wanted to hear it, and he was a fool for doing so.

He didn't see a hand waving in front of his face. All he could see was _him_.

"Harry? _Harry?_ Helloooo! Anyone in there?"

He didn't see Hermione's pained look.

"Nevermind, Ron." She held his arm gently, pushing it down. "No one's in there right now."

As always, he thought he was hiding his feelings pretty good. No one had confronted him about his hormonal interest, and he thought it was because he was good at hiding it, when it was actually because no one bothered.

Whyask for reassurances and confirmation about something was so sure, anyway?

He was a fool for thinking about him that night.

He was a fool for wondering what brand of pajamas he wore, and what kind of soap he used. He even idly wondered if he said 'goodnight' to his dormmates.

He was a fool for not noticing the concerned sigh beside his bed.

"Don't get hurt, Harry." A certain red-head whispered.

"Good night." He whispered so softly that only he heard it, and yet he hoped it reached Draco's ears.

And then he slept smiling, without nightmares, for the first time in months.

**A/N:** Second chapter down. Five more to go. :) Hope you liked this one. Polite critisism is encouraged. :)

Review!


	3. Lonely

Falling

By ab012

**Pairing: **Harry/Draco  
**A/N: **Haven't updated in a long time. Will not be surprised if this has no reviews. But if you come across it, do review. Double enter means, 'next part', or what we usually use arterisks for.

**day iii. lonely**

_I'm a little of lonely_

One the third day, he was sad. He was frustrated. Mainly because he's realized that there's absolutely no way to get rid of his fee --- desires. Yes, they're merely desires. Nothing more.

He was torn. He'd promised himself that he wouldn't fall in love, and it was becoming more and more apparent every second that that would be the case if he didn't do something to get rid of his desires soon.

The problem was, he couldn't do anything, and yet he had to do something.

So he was sad.

He didn't even see the new emotions flickering on his hormonal interest's face when he saw him. He didn't see the wonder in his eyes, not concern, no, but there was definitely curiosity.

Harry got this look on his face all of the time. He was frowning and he looked like he was about to do something, but changed his mind just before he began. He'd become more and more isolated from his best friends, who, in turn, were becoming more and more concerned. They weren't happy to see their best friend so sad and down.

He'd gotten so worked up about the whole thing that he didn't even do his best in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Lupin, who'd returned for the year once more, just gave him a sad, concerned kind of smile.

He'd been too preoccupied to even notice.

**0o0**

He was thinking. Of what to do, what to say, how to do and say it, and who to say what to. He thought about a lot of things throughout dinner, and he just thought and thought.

By the time he got to bed, he'd tired himself out from thinking. What was worse was that he had gotten the conclusion that…

…There was absolutely nothing he could do.

He couldn't stop what was happening. In fact, he wasn't even sure he _knew_ what was happening. But he knew he couldn't stop it. He couldn't even if he wanted to, and he didn't want to, and he promised not to.

So he went to sleep amidst all these emotions.

He didn't get as good a night's sleep as the previous night.


	4. All

Falling

by ab102

**Pairing: **Harry/Draco  
**Notes: **Don't hesitate to leave concrits. :) But don't make them pointless, please. Hopefully this'll get more reviews.

**day iv. all**

_I'm a little bit of all._

The next day, needless to say, he was a mess. A complete and utter mess. He was everything he'd been feeling the past few days, and more, and nothing, all at once.

He was so confused and tired and he really didn't care anymore. At breakfast, he held his head on his hands, and closed his eyes, just trying to get away from it all.

Ron and Hermione came by, and he appreciated them. He'd realized that he'd taken them for granted these days. Now he was more than thankful for their comforting rubs and pats on his back.

The three of them remained silent, because, really, there was nothing that they needed to say.

**o0o**

After they're first class (an uneventful History of Magic), Ron and Hermione had started coaxing him into telling them what was wrong.

Finally, after much reminding that they were all friends, he'd given in. If they didn't like him anymore after this confession, he wouldn't blame them.

"I…" he started, looking away from his best friends faces, "IhaveacrushonMalfoy."

Ron and Hermione stared.

He spoke immediately. "It's okay if you don't want to be friends anymore. I mean, I understand if you don't think that how I feel is good, and it's alright if you hate me for liking ---"

Hermione held up a hand. "Whoa, Harry, back up there. We haven't said anything!"

It was his turn to stare. "You… You mean you don't … hate me?"

Ron raised an uncharacteristic eyebrow. "What? For liking a bloke? Don't underestimate us, mate."

Harry still couldn't quite believe it. "What? But… But it's Malfoy! Don't you think that's gross and wrong and ---"

"Well, we do, of course," Hermione said, "but we respect your decision."

There was a pause.

"Anyway, is that all you were going to say? Because it really _was_ obvious, mate." Ron said, grinning mischievously.

At this, Harry frowned. "It was?"

"Oh yes." Hermione answered. "In fact, I think only Malfoy himself is oblivious to the whole thing."

The raven haired boy sighed in relief. "Oh, good." Then he frowned once more. "Wait. If you knew I had a crush on …" He looked around to see if anyone was listening, "…on You-Know-Who---"

"What?" Ron looked aghast. "Eeew. Harry."

Hermione smacked him on the head. "Ron, I don't think he means _that _You-Know-Who."

Harry laughed as Ron blushed. "Anyway, if you knew I had a crush on … _him_, why did you have to ask what was wrong? I mean, it would be pretty obvious that it was that."

"Well, of course, we wanted to hear it straight, no pun intended, from you." Hermione said, smiling.

Ron nodded. "Yeah, and we didn't want to accuse you of _that_ and have you kill us for it, had it not been true."

Then for the first time that day, Harry smiled.


	5. You

**day v. you**

_Oh, I need a cure  
__Just a little bit of you._

**oOo**

Though he'd already settled the whole ordeal with Ron and Hermione, Harry still wasn't quite sure if he understood what exactly the whole ordeal was. He'd stopped feeling depressed for the past few days, but there wasn't any closure.

He felt as if something was missing, and, as he found out, that was an arguably bad feeling when everyone around you's being happy.

At the very least, he'd gone back to observing his hormonal interest, only he wasn't sure if he could continue calling him that. The past few days have come to show that obviously Malfoy meant more to him than a hormonal interest, and Harry wasn't comfortable with the idea one bit.

He didn't know what he needed, or maybe he just didn't want what he needed. Which was weird and kind of paradoxical, because the very reason why he needed this was because he wanted it in the first place. But now it came to the point that whether he liked it or not, he needed this.

Whatever _this_ was.

"Oh, you _know_, Harry." Hermione said one time during the walk to Charms. She didn't say it in the way you say 'you know' when you're going to tell someone a piece of information, which was weird because she usually used it that way. No, the way she used it was to actually tell someone, that someone being Harry, that he knows something.

"You just don't want to admit it."

**oOo**

A pale hand comes down to wrap around an unknowing fork.

All at once, Harry imagined that hand to wrap around _other_ things. He quickly coughed, looking around in paranoia.

"Harry, are you alright?" Hermione said, looking at him with maternal concern.

"Yeah," Harry said. He noticed that Ron, who was beside him, was avoiding his gaze. "Are _you_ alright, mate?" he said, putting his hand on Ron's shoulder.

Ron gave a slight smile, blushing. "I _saw_ that, mate," and Harry knew that Ron knew what he was talking about, since he wrapped his hand around a fork as well, but Harry didn't get any disturbing thoughts about Ron (thank God). "I have a hunch," Ron grinned, "I only hope I'm wrong."

Harry was blushing furiously by now, and Hermione, having judged that it wasn't really that serious, rolled her eyes.

"You should do something about this, Harry," Hermione said seriously.

"About what?" Harry replied, frowning because he knew where this was leading to.

"You know what we're talking about, mate." said Ron, grinning. "You should do something. This thing between you and Malfoy can't stay this way _forever_. You have to act on it some time. This unresolved sexual tension is getting on everyone's nerves."

Hermione nodded her agreement. "You have our full support, Harry. We don't mind you with Malfoy."

"But mind," Ron added, "if he hurts you, we'll be the first to sock him, okay?"

Harry stared at his friends. And suddenly, and gradually, what _this_ was reached home, and he smiled.

"Okay."


	6. Falling

**day vi. falling**

_And I will fall._

-0o0-

"Well, you know, maybe we could postpone this. Don't you think it's too soon? It's just been a few days and -"

"Oh, stop making excuses, Harry." Hermione said sternly, half-dragging him to Potions class, and deciding to be the one who uses physical persuasion.

"Besides," Ron said, who was trying to talk Harry into it, "it's at the end of the class. You have time to get ready."

"Get ready and what? Make a fool of myself?"

"As always," said an icy voice.

The two parties stared at each other, both expecting hostility, with only one party prepared to give it.

Hermione gulped. "He – Hello… Malfoy." she said, not uncivilly.

"Was I talking to you, Miss Know-It-All? You'll have common sense not to go around speaking like that to people who are obviously superior to you." He looked at Ron. "Not that you'd know what exactly superiority is, seeing as you have _these_ for friends."

He pushed them aside and went in.

"He's just horrible," Hermione sighed.

"What a prat," Ron agreed.

"What a waste," Harry said resignedly, "and he looked so hot, too."

"Eew." Ron made a face.

"Hey," Harry said, "what happened to the 'we support you, Harry' mantra?"

Ron knew he'd regret that.

-o0o-

After class, where Harry managed to take off only 10 points, Ron and Hermione pushed him to the Slytherin passage way.

"Good luck," they whispered.

Harry forced a smile.

-o0o-

"Malfoy, can we talk?" He looked confident. He felt otherwise. But maybe tricking himself into thinking that he _was _(confident, that is) could work.

The blond considered him, and walked over. He crossed his arms over his chest, looking quite more superior than Harry was used to.

Crabbe and Goyle lurked behind him.

"Talk." Malfoy said simply.

Harry gestured a bit to Crabbe and Goyle, "In private."

Malfoy rolled his eyes. "I haven't got all day, Pothead. I'm a busy person. I have social obligations. I can't stand around giving in to a stupid Gryffindor's request, when, really, I'm the one who has better things to do."

This triggered Harry. He'd tried being civil, but obviously that wasn't enough.

"Oh, really?" Harry replied, not without sarcasm. "Better things to do, eh? Like what, get yourself off? Maybe meet with Zabini again? Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you, you sorry little -"

But he never got to finish, because Malfoy put his hand on Harry's mouth and dragged him off, dismissing Crabbe and Goyle.

When they got to an empty classroom, Malfoy still had his hand on Harry's lips and it seemed all Malfoy's blood had rushed to his face. Merely from the skin contact, Harry's blood, on the other hand, went to other parts of his anatomy.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing, Potter?" Malfoy said, eyes wide in disbelief. Harry needed to remember to add that to his list of emotions. "Crabbe and Goyle could've overheard, and -" he motioned wildly, "and I don't even want to _think_ of what could have happened had they found out! Even _they_ aren't _that_ stupid!"

"Oh, please," Harry said, dusting himself off, and pulling his shirt down to cover certain parts not worth revealing, "knowing them? They're probably together already."

Malfoy made a face, and Harry almost died of shock.

"What?" Malfoy raised an eye brow. "You look like you've seen a manticore."

Harry shook his head and blinked. "Nothing." _I just didn't think you made faces._

"Whatever." The Slytherin said off-handedly, sitting down on the teacher's desk. "Anyway, what was _so_ important that you had to put my reputation on the line just to talk to me about it?"

Harry paused. "I…" he started nervously, all previous shock forgotten. This all seemed so sudden now. "I have something to tell you."

"No kidding." If Malfoy noticed any of Harry's nervousness, he pretty good at hiding it.

"I…" he gulped, closing his eyes. "Ihaveacrushonyou."

There was a pause.

Malfoy's eyes went wide.

"Excuse me?"

Harry sighed, a burden being lifted off his chest. "I… I have a crush on you."

There was another pause.

Then Malfoy glared.

"_What the fuck are you on about_, _Potter?_" he said. He looked outraged. Harry was confused. "Is this your idea of a joke? You think it's… _funny_ to play with someone's feelings? You sadistic bast-"

"_What_?" Harry said incredulously. "Malfoy, you think I'd risk making a fool out of myself to joke about my _feelings_?"

Malfoy seemed to think about this for a moment. "I - I just … But you wouldn't…" He shook his head. "You're bloody Harry Potter! You can't…"

"Oh, but I can."

Harry, since confessing his feelings, felt much more confident now because it seemed Malfoy wasn't going to laugh at him. If anything, he took the situation as seriously as Harry did.

The Gryffindor walked toward the teacher's desk, a bit of a smile on his face. As he reached his destination, the blond looked as if he was ready to fall off any moment.

Harry cupped Draco's face with his hands.

And then lips met lips, and they seemed to fit _perfectly_ together.

And for that one moment, Harry broke his promise.

He fell.

-o0o-

_I'm just a little bit crazy_

_I'm a little bit of a fool_

_I'm a little bit lonely_

_I'm a little bit of all_

_Oh, I need a cure_

_Just a little bit of you_

_And I will fall._

_-A Little Bit, by MYMP_

**Author's note:** I am so very sorry, readers, for the long, long, long hiatus. This may be my last time posting in as I am very busy with other matters. I thought I wasn't able to finish the last chapter, but apparently it was lurking out of sight in my hard drive. Hope you had fun reading this as I did writing it! Reviews make the world go round.


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